Marriage and Family

I may not have posted recently on my blog, in fact for over a year now, but I wanted to share my thoughts and research on a topic I am very passionate about. I am in the process of finishing my capstone course for BYU-Idaho, which  means I will be graduating come July 2015! In the course final we were asked to read in article in the opinion section of any newsroom and share our research, opinion, and viewpoint with others using the skills we have learned throughout the course. I found an article in the Desert News that talks about the importance of marriage and especially how children in today's world are loosing opportunities due to the lack of a father in the home. Feel free to read the article that I reference, "Opinion: Decline of Marriage is the Primary Reason for Inequality" by Bradford Wilcoz at; http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865625766/Decline-of-marriage-is-a-primary-reason-for-inequality.html?pg=1






This is the most recent picture I could find of my family. From left to right, top to bottom: My husband (Jacob McHargue), me, my mother (Mindi), my father (Jeff), my brother-in-law (Anthony Walker), my sister (Shelby Walker) holding her newborn son (Paysen Walker), and my sister (Jacey Nielsen). Not included in the picture is my younger brother Stetson who had to skip out early for a basketball game. This is my family, they are who I love and turn to for everything.

In the article by Wilcox, he talks about the trend of traditional marriages and how they have declined over the years. Traditional marriages meaning those between a husband and wife who stay married, bear children, and raise them together. He shares that due to the drastic decline in this type of marriage, children are being affected academically, financially, behaviorally, and with their own personal marital possibilities.



This is a photograph of my husband and I on our wedding day, August 15th, 2014. (photo credit: Jenny Losee Photography) Reading Wilcox's article made me so very grateful for the covenants we made in the temple that day and the affect they will have on our family and children. In his article Wilcox focuses heavily on the influence of a father. He has observed over the years that children born outside of marriage (or split by divorce) typically end up living with their mother, while the father's involvement begins to decline. This article not only made me grateful for my current situation but also made me interested in the statistics behind the traditional family created by a father and mother joined in marriage. I have always known that a family consists of a mom, dad, and children and I've learned through the gospel the importance of that but I wanted to list some facts, statements, and definitions that support Wilcox and I's opinion.

1. By having male and female parents there are two perspectives given to children to help them grow. Research shows that just as mothers have special characteristics (such as nurturing) that are essential to raising children, so do fathers (such as discipline).  These roles were also pointed out by the church when they stated, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide for the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." (www.lds.org)

2. We are also reminded in "The Family- A Proclamation to the World" that marriage between a man and a women is the way God created families and it is essential for His plan of Salvation. (www.lds.org)

3. With two parents, father and mother, there is potential for an increase in income or opportunities to save (such as babysitting costs). This allows for more income to be used to provide opportunities for children and to provide optimum care. "Children in single-parent families comprise 27% of all American children, yet they account for 62% of all poor children." (statistic found in "The Positive Effects of Marriage: A Book of Charts") We also read in Wilcox's article that "almost one-third of the growth in family income inequality since the 1970s can be connected to this decline in marriage."

4. Benefits of children living with an intact, married family include an increase in those who attend college and also better physical and emotional health. They are also less likely to use drugs and alcohol, have delinquent behaviors, and become pregnant/impregnate a teenager. (www.americanvalues.org and also some graphs with these statistics are found with Wilcox's article)

Why wouldn't you want to raise a family with an equal partner who not only brought life into this world with you but is willing to raise them together? I understand some circumstances such as death, illness, military service, or other situations may not allow for an involved father in the home but if its a choice we must stand up for creating the best home environment for our children. My purpose in sharing my opinion and research on this topic covers a variety of reasons. First off it allows me to share my appreciation for the family I was raised in and the family my husband and I are striving to make. I also find it interesting and necessary to share the statistics behind the traditional marriage on the family and how we are responsible for providing our children with an equal opportunity in this life. Lastly I urge all who read this to be responsible in creating and caring for the life we bring into this world. So often we see teenage pregnancy, homeless children, or struggling single parent homes who would benefit from having known this research and taken their responsibilities seriously. Thanks for reading and I hope you consider the research when caring or creating your own family. Listed below are references for the articles and research I have shared in this post, please educate yourself and form your own opinion on the issue.

References:

Wilcox, Bradford. (2015). Opinion: Decline of marriage is a primary reason for inequality. Deseret News. Retrieved from www.deseretnews.com

Wilcox, Bradford.  Why marriage matters: 26 conclusions from the social sciences. Institute for American Values. Retrieved from www.americanvalues.org/html/r-wmm.html

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (1995). The family: A proclamation to the world. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation/ase?lang=eng

Fagan, Patrick. (2002). The positive effects of marriage: A book of charts. Retrieved from www.heritage.org/Research/Features/Marriage/index.cfm

 

River Jordan

November 7th, 2013
The River Jordan was nothing like I had expected. I figured we would stop at a spot of the River where no one really was and have a quiet moment to our class but instead there was a site designated for the baptism of Christ. There were people actually being baptized  It was crazy to see them want to follow in the literal footsteps of Christ, if they only knew the real way toward salvation. The thing that struck me the most was reading and studying the Baptismal story. (John chapter 1) I have never realized how significant and down played John the Baptist role was in the life of the Savior. He was the forerunner of Christ, setting the path for the gospel to be established through Christ. I loved how he chose to be righteous and was selected to baptize the Savior, how special is that! I just think of all the examples we have in the scriptures that we tend to overlook. 

This shirt was quite fitting for a day full of inspiration!

 I loved how this captured some faiths praying on the Israel side of the Jordan River, others being baptized in the Jordan river from the Jordan side, and then BYU Jerusalem Students cluttering the path. We also had the chance to sing some songs about baptism which was cool because by the end we had people recording us or just being quiet and respectful. No matter what religion, language, or place-songs can always add to the site!

November 5th, 2013: Petra, Jordan

Today we went to Petra and it was breath taking! I have to admit it was hard to wake up at 5:30 AM to leave the hotel by 6:30 on foot to Petra. Luckily the site was right around the corner, who would have known. By the way I accidentally dipped my toothbrush in the hotel water, so I may just get travelers’ diarrhea....Wish me well! The Al Khzneh Treasury site of Petra didn't only include the Treasury used in the Indiana Jones movie but tons of other neat things! At first we walked in and there were huge red colorful mountains of sand with the path cut out to walk in-between. It looked similar to Lake Powell, but better because we are in Jordan and they are huge! There was also many Bedouin shacks set up along the sides to sell jewelry, trinkets, and bottles of sand. At one alcove we stopped and our tour guide sang a song in Arabic which sounded really cool! I couldn't understand anything and it seems like they are just making sounds instead of singing, but it still sounded really good! We then sang "How Firm a Foundation" and can I just say again for the millionth time that I love singing; it just welcomes such a sweet spirit to any activity (with the appropriate music of course!).   Finally we made it to the Treasury and I don't know what I was expecting, but this building cut out of the front of a red sand stone was AMAZING!!! It really did take my breath away, with that and the camels I didn't hear anything the tour guide was saying. We also got to ride a camel around in a circle which was fun! It kinda surprised me to have the camels get up and down while I was on, but I’m glad I didn't have to climb up when they were standing-They are so tall! I was lucky and got the one with all the colorful blankets, and Lauren took pictures of my adventure!

Here is the Treasury!

Ross and I riding camels in front of the Treasury!!! 

                After that our guide let our class have free time from like 7 AM to 2:30 PM to wander around and explore this amazing place! Hopefully my map of Petra is still around because that explains why we needed so long to visit all 34 sites, I just wish it included how many steps! I went with a group to the High Place of Sacrifice which was the highest rock and had a beautiful view. I swear there were probably 1,000 steps and I felt like giving up so many times. The sun was beating down on us already, there was very little shade, and lots of uneven steps. Also I have been having difficulty walking lately; I've tripped a few times so I was also afraid of falling and rolling down the hillside! I felt so accomplished to finally reach the top red faced and all! It was so fun to look how far we had made it and also just to see all the carvings in the red stone surrounding us. We ran into Brother and Sister Seely on the top, who have visited quite a few times so they said they would lead us to the Ad-Deir Monastery. We wanted to get the most experiences out of our trek so we went back an alternative way. It was such a cool path with so many cool tombs and carvings, but really long thank goodness it was downhill! It was also cool to see all the different colors in the stones. It was explained to us that they were dyed by the minerals in the ocean water years ago. The blue was from cobalt, red from iron, yellow from calcium, black from magnesium, and white from phosphorus. I was just fascinated that the ocean provided the colors, the wind and flash floods provided the shape of the stones and then the people were able to get so high and detailed with their carvings.

 Luckily I found a slow buddy who would rather take it slow and not die and still get good pictures, it was Sheridan. I just love Sheri, she is such a sweet redhead who has spunk and energy most the time when we aren't dying from the walk. We also ended up with Sister Seely who was fun and made us feel a little better with our speed. I was kinda holding a grudge to the center who wouldn't allow us to take the donkeys which they were offering for $5 up to the monastery, because honestly that looked so fun and a lot less work. Once we got to a certain point all the shops were saying "You're half way" which obviously wasn't the truth when you hear it for the next 4 corners. Finally after putting on some motivational music and leaving Sister Seely with Brother Seely getting a drink, we made it up to the top! The Monastery was amazing! The Treasury was still probably my favorite but this building was worth the hike! 

The Monastery

On our way to the bus I met the cutest Beduoin girl ever! The children here are required by law to go to school up to 15 years old or something, yet the parents keep them home in hopes they will sell more at their shops. There was this one girl walking around barefoot who was probably 10 years old. She was selling postcards for 1 dinar ($1.50= 1 dinar) She was so cute I just wanted to buy one, even though we were told not to support the parents in their decision. We ended up taking the cutest pictures together tho and I love it! I've realized once I go home I'm not going to have very many pictures of the people here. I love seeing the sights but the times I cherish the most have to do with hospital patients where we can't take pictures. This little Beduoin looked like my first cancer patient tho so I was really happy!

She was so excited to take a picture with someone, even if I didn't have change to buy some post cards. After our funny picture she wanted to take some of the hills around us, if I hadn't kept a hold of the safety loop I would have lost my camera. Oh how I miss little kids!

The Miracle of Life-Real Live Version

 

October 27^th, 2013

Today I was dreading clinicals at Red Crescent so bad because of the crazy finals week ahead. I just don’t see the point of going most days because we honestly can’t do anything. I love the people and getting a sense of the family significance and the way healthcare is carried out threw a culture, but the language barrier is rough. We honestly don’t do any hands on nursing care and we can’t communicate, so the only thing that is left…..Is to watch! Also last time we went there was another group who watched a C-section and so I was kinda bummed. We were however going for 7 hours so I was somewhat hopeful of seeing a delivery and even more hopeful of forgetting finals were in the air.

 

I was placed on the post neonatal unit by myself with only one nurse on this unit. This unit was comprised of 5 bed which were reserved for mothers and newborns (vaginal delivery) who were healthy a couple hours after birth. They would stay here for at least 6 hours for closer observation before going to a more independent unit in the neighboring building. There wasn’t much hope for a delivery on this floor but I was excited to handle newborns! If you haven’t figured this out yet, I want to go into Labor and Delivery or Pediatric Nursing, so this semester is right up my alley! My nurse was so sweet and willing to answer any questions I could think of! She also was super helpful even with the language barrier at times. For example if we didn’t use the same medication and I couldn’t find it in my medication book she would go get me the wrapper to one so I could keep it and research the American comparison. I was so impressed with her kindness and generosity. She told me that when she was a student she hated not getting an answer for her questions and being left in the dark, so she wanted to make this the most beneficial experiences as possible for me which I was very grateful for.

 

Toward 9 am Sister Garbett came up to say there was a C-Section on the surgical floor and that I could go watch. OH MY LANTA, I am so excited!!! I have to admit I did get a little queasy with the smells and cutting during my OR clincials so I was a little nervous, but my excitement outweighed everything. I could have done without the cutting into the stomach, which by the way it was her 3rd C-section and she had so much fat and scar tissue it was disgusting! Anyways, I was so glad they started to see the baby when they did or I could have passed out it was making my stomach so queasy. Anyways, the baby was pulled out and the cord was wrapped around its neck, the baby was so blue and lifeless it was scary. We had just had a practice simulation the previous week about neonate resuscitation if they don't start crying/breathing so I was prepared for the worst. Once they took the cord off from around the neck they literally swung the baby by its feet to the weighing table and it started to cry and the color slowly started to come back. It was such a neat experience to see life pop back into this baby. OMG I almost started crying it was just so cool to see and experience. The baby was adorable! Babies are the most amazing creation of God and I am so glad God allowed me to witness this miracle and for mothers to be co-creators of His children. It really made me value life. This is a real life we are talking about, a child who deserves every right to a family and all the privileges of the covenant right from birth. They shouldn't have to wait to be sealed for the blessings of the covenant, but unfortunately in this country they may not have the chance. Anyways I was just overwhelmed with the spirit and grateful that I could see a baby even amidst such a stressful week.

Real Babies or Real Wine....I'll take BOTH!

October 24th, 2013

We also had our first day at Red Crescent, the Labor and Delivery facilities right on the side of Mount Scopus. This is the smallest, cramped hospital I have ever been in. It is so different to have the hospitals be build upwards rather than horizontally like in the states. I was placed on the Labor and Delivery unit with Lindsey Hawkins, which I was stoked about. There weren’t any women in labor though and we were only going to be there for 3 hours. We did however get to visit with a new mother of her second child, who thankfully spoke really good English. Her little boy was born at around 4:30 am today and was currently sleeping. She was having a really hard time getting him to wake up and wanting to eat.  She asked us for advice but we didn't really have any tips to helping her rather simple little things to wake the baby up. She ended up instead just talking to us about her father who owned a Souvenir shop inside Jaffa Gate. She was such a sweet lady and loved to ask questions and be really open with us.

Once lunch came we gave her some space to rest and eat with her new baby boy. The rest of the day was so slow, nobody else was ready to have a baby. There was two individuals in for observation, one for decreased fetal movement (how scary!) and the other for induction because she was over 41 weeks (poor lady!). Lindsey and I ended up having a heart to heart. It was fun just to talk and share different experiences since we haven't been as close. It's sad because with nursing we nursing students spend so much time together in classes and clinicals that we don't want to spend any additional time and it has really strained some friendships. I like to catch up with friends, especially hearing some of her amazing experiences. She really as a good example for me! I've noticed everyone can teach you or inspire you in some way if you'll only listen and give them time.

To finish the night we had our fake Passover dinner! How fun to participate in a mock Jewish tradition with our Jewish teacher, Ophir Yarden. We had name cards, participating parts such as songs and narratives for the program, and we dressed up. I happened to be a narrator of a huge passage; it still makes me nervous to read in public even if it is in English. I just loved the setting and this cool experience. We read out of the Haggaddah of the Jewish traditions and took part in the Passover dinner traditions. Just as we poured our first glass of "wine" (fake grape juice) and was starting to drink the glass we realized it was REAL wine with alcohol! How funny, a ton of BYU students getting drunk on Passover, that would have made the church news! Luckily they caught the mistake and corrected it quickly with fake juice that was disgusting, I hated the taste! But overall it was such a fun night full of good experiences!

Passover center piece with different foods for each section we read. Yes that's the real wine in the back....don't worry they wouldn't even let us keep the bottles...

Lindsey Hawkins and I at the special narrator table!

To Stand as a Witness

Wednesday October 23rd, 2013: Elias Feinzilberg (96 yr old Holocaust survivor), and ICC

 

Today I had some really neat experiences! First of all we had our ICC for Nursing which included Trachea care/suctioning, neonate resuscitation, and neonate respiratory distress scenario. To be honest I was dreading this day.  Sister Garbett is such a nice lady but honestly she takes way to long to spit things out and seems to waste a lot of time. Time is of the essence here, it can't be wasted! So I kind of went into ICC with a bad attitude. The trachea care started off rough. Sister Garbett didn't bring any materials really, which I don't blame her without 50 lbs limit, but it made things a little hard. We had a shoe box for a baby, a premature resuscitation bag for the trachea, a shoe lace for the straps, and luckily a suction kit to suction with. Overall it ended up being pretty amusing to watch but surprisingly we didn't all get to go through the steps because we ran out of time. Then Sister Whitchurch came to help with the neonate resuscitation part. This previous month there was a team from Primary Children's Hospital that came to neighboring hospitals to teach a seminar about resuscitation and stayed in the Jerusalem Center. Sister Whitchurch and Sister Garbett were fortunate enough to go with them on one or two of their expeditions to teach. She brought her kit to help teach us and help us to be comfortable with the basic skill of resuscitation. She said it was so surprising to see the midwifes and hospitals not realize they can save a baby. She told of one lady who said she had never lost a baby but then after the seminar came up to explain that she thought if a baby wasn't breathing when born it was dead. She then would just bury the child without any further intervention. She was so grateful for this new knowledge. It was so fun to learn on a warm water filled baby. I was just so impressed with this group traveling across the world to increase the knowledge and materials of other hospitals. I really hope that one day I have the chance to do something like this! It was also nice to see how you can save a life in just under a minute with this new skill!

Another experience I had today was the Forum. Usually I dread forums also because they seem to be a waste of time and lose my interest quickly. I was however excited for todays! Today we were fortunate to have a Holocaust survivor come to tell his story and insights. He was the cutest old man who was accompanied by a Pilipino caregiver. He told basic statistics such as 6 million Jews were killed with 1 1/2 million being children. He told of time frames and countries/people involved. Then he began his story. The first thing that happened were posters being put up that said 400 men were needed for work. They would need to be strong and healthy, checked out by their doctor, and report to a certain place. Elias was able to pass and was then hired and taken for work. Part of the deal was that the family would also be paid. Throughout his story he tells of being in 9 concentration camps, of volunteering for work any chance he can get. Of getting sick and being sent home only to find his house abandoned his 7 brothers and sisters gone and his parents nowhere to be found. His neighbor then prepared him for the news that his dad died of hunger and his mom and siblings had been burned to death. Still he persevered, he continued to press forward not knowing how long he would last. I was amazed at the little details he remembered as a 22 year old man and the emotion his story was filled with. He told of the blunt violence and hatred that the German soldiers and SS had and the beatings he endured, and the little food he received. He then told of the liberation and of going to work in a kitchen where he would then meet his wife. This couple fled to Guatemala where his Uncle lived and there established a family. The part that struck me the most out of this experience was his last comments. He said he is part of a "club” of survivors, yet he is the only one to talk. He believes that God saved him to be a witness, to tell others what has happened so they can learn and prevent this in the future. I also adored the true love he had for his wife and how you could see in his presence that he cherished life in every form but that he truly missed her presence. I sure hope that I can cherish the life I have been given and share my testimony as a witness of Christ and all he has done for me.

Day Talate (3 in arabic) of Turkey!

Turkey Day 3: 10/9/13

Today was the longest bus riding day yet, and it killed. We had roughly 6 hours on the bus and I knew I'd get sick if I didn't sleep so I pretty much slept the day away. Thank goodness I had a late night girl talk with Lauren Law and Kinsey Ferrell, we are such good friends! We first drove to Assos (watch how you pronounce that one!) which is on the coast of the Aegean Sea on the Asia side of Turkey. Here is where we saw our first white huge pillar temple, this one being temple of Athena.  (and by pillars I mean, using technical "Brother Whitchurch" terms: Doric Columns. This temple dates back to the 5th century B.C. The temple was built on the crest of the hill overlooking the Aegean Sea and you can see the Island of Lesbos, part of Greece. That would be so cool to go to Greece! That is one of the places on my bucket list for sure! (if I ever get out of the country again...) Here we talked about the Apostle Paul and his missionary work. We were very close to Troas in which Paul gave a sermon before making his walk from Troas to Assos. We also talked about how he sent his disciples by boat but he walked alone, signaling a time of personal preparation with the Lord.



We also went to the Pergamum Acropolis, one of my absolute favorites! (at least this far) Its located on a steep hill so we road a tram, thank goodness. Earliest remains date to the 8th century B.C. God refers to Pergamum (Bergama) in Revelations 2:13 as "where Satan dwelleth." WE also introduced Pauls 7 letters to the Church's of Asia Minor. Each letter starts off by saying what the people were doing right, recognizing their need to repent, and then a promise of eternal life with imagery of the temple if they obey God's council. All the letters are located in Revelations chapters 2-3. Pergamum is one of the 7 cities Paul writes to. We sang "High on a Mountain Top" in the theatre, very fitting I thought as we looked out over the land. It was cool to see where Paul went and where his letters were written to.